2010

I started the year 2010 hoping it would be one of the best years of my life. Twelve months later, I'm not sure if it belongs to that category, but without a doubt, 2010 is one year I wouldn't soon forget.

The first few months started out smoothly. The year 2010 for me only had two defining moments:

Shortly a few weeks before turning 23, I had a ruptured appendix, which was probably my defining moment of the year. I'm grateful to come out of it alive, but the restraints and limitations of post surgery gave me depression. It was the most painful thing I ever went through- physically and emotionally. My depression even manifested in a hairloss. God.

So I turned 23 quietly, no joyful parties, just a simple celebration of being grateful. Anyway, what happened made me realize what matters, who matters, and what I deserve. Had I not been sick, I would've had a loud birthday party with loved ones, a weekend in Bohol after, and a search for the next job. But with that sad fate, my mood just wasn't festive. I could only be grateful.

And because depression only made my spirit weaker, I came back to work as soon as I could. Few weeks later, I was back with my old, carefree persona.

Before 2010 hit December, I quit my job at the Armed Forces. It was a plan long overdue. It was heartbreaking to leave because other than my real family, it was the best home I'd ever known after my school life. However, my fear of getting stuck is just bigger than my love for the place. I swear, though, I loved my job sincerely while it lasted. I once heard that you shouldn't limit yourself to what gives you happiness. I'd like to think my job loved me back. Love may be good, but cash is better. Hahahaha. Kidding.

Despite the blows that happened this year, on the whole, I think it's been a great one. I've learned what I needed to learn, realized what I should've realized; I acted by my decisions and stood by it. Faith kept me standing still. I met lots of new people, made new friends, and dropped a few people out of my life. I was more involved in the family, both nuclear and extended. Romance-wise, I've had "haba ng hair" and "giddy schoolgirl" moments. I have no other term, sorry! But did I fall in love? No. Did I have a clandestine affair? No comment. When will love ever be a priority?

For 2011, I've no resolutions, as I did not keep the ones for 2010. In the meantime, I'm ending 2010 feeling infinite. Happy New Year!

A Very Glee Christmas

With a few days to go before Christmas, I don't feel Christmasy for a reason I can't really point out. But I won't elaborate on that because I'll end up more confused. Anyway, due to my very odd shift I was only able to catch the Christmas episode of Glee last night. I've been a follower of this series since it started because it's light and funny. And I like music. Glee is a musical drama/comedy series aired in the US. It's about highschool kids who are in the glee club while dealing teenage issues in between.

This latest episode about Christmas moved me to tears. I don't easily get carried away with the shows I watch but this episode kind of made me nostalgic. Ugh.

What moved me was the part where Brittany, one of the cheerleaders and a member of the Glee club stereotyped as a dumb blonde, still believes in Santa Claus!!! Her wish for Christmas? To make her boyfriend, Artie, rise up from his wheelchair and walk again.


That's one big uh-oh. So the Glee kids ask one stocky person at school, Coach Beiste, to pose as Santa and barge in at Brittany's house to tell her that she won't get her wish. It was so heartbreaking because she really believes in the magic of Santa. Imagine the disappointment.

But nearing the end of the show, they found a device under the tree that could help Artie walk again, even if only temporarily. He was able to stand up and walk a few steps. The Glee kids were in awe. He was a Christmas miracle.

It turned out that Coach Beiste gave it as a present, but of course, everybody else believed it was Santa.

I wouldn't stop crying at the end of the episode. I also believed in Santa when I was younger. And all my life, I've known the feeling when you really believe in something. Add to that the universe's hand to bring back your faith in humanity. It happens to me quite a lot: I believe in something, get disappointed, but in the end the issue will resolve itself. Then my faith is restored. That's why even if things seem impossible, I give a chance to believe in it.

Merry Christmas. I know Santa isn't real, but I'm still hoping for some magic that will make me feel the Christmas spirit. Because right now it feels like blah.

Goodbye

I recently resigned from the Armed Forces of the Philippines, my home for 19 happy months. How ironic that in one of my latest posts I wrote how much I love my job and now I'm blogging that I left it. Sometimes, love's not enough.

It was a hard decision to make but it just had to happen sooner or later, and I think it was the best time to go. Much as I really want to stay, time has come to explore other things (I didnt dare say this during my last day because I would cry even harder...geez..they turned me into a drama queen).

Did I say I had a hard time to leave? I think it was one of the most heartbreaking decisions in my life. I just looooove that place so much. I invested so much love for the job and the people I work with. But anyway, when I talked to my boss about leaving, his words made me feel better. He's behind my decision because it is for my career growth. He said that the sign that you have to move forward is when you feel so much comfortable where you're at.

It's been two weeks since I left and I'm getting used to it. Although it still crushes my heart a bit when I get random texts from my former colleagues that they miss me. :( I miss them too. The PAO, GHQ, AFP will always be home to me. Good thing my friends there are only five MRT stations away.

And in case you want to know, I just moved in to the online arm of the country's leading newspaper. Again, an industry that operates 24/7 and knows no holidays! I'm their latest hire as editorial assistant, the bottom of the hierarchy in the news kingdom. Here's to happy endings and exciting new beginnings! :)

Mama knows who Justin Bieber is..

One morning over breakfast with my mother and Francis Magalona's 'Kaleidoscope World' playing on the radio:

Mama: Sayang si Francis Magalona, ano?

Frances: Oo nga. Bakit mo naman nabanggit bigla? Alam mong kanta nya yan?

M: Oo.

F: Aba, alam. Paano mo nalaman?

M: Patugtugin ba naman palagi nung namatay siya.

F: Ang galing naman! Alam mo pala yun, ma! Ang ganda nga nung kanta, noh?

M: Oo nga. Parang imported. Parang sila Bieber.....

F: BIEBER??? Teka, KILALA MO SI JUSTIN BIEBER???

M: Oo naman.

F: Saan mo naman nakilala??? Sa dinami-dami ng pwedeng makilala si Justin Bieber pa!

M: Sa news kaya.

**More than one punctuation mark means one pitch higher. ^__^

Seventeen

Today I will pay tribute to my job.

Today is my 17th month at work. That's about 340 working days, excluding the holidays, weekends, and get-togethers I missed just so I could go to work.

My stint at the AFP Public Affairs, by far, is one of my favorite chapters in existence. Despite signifying intentions that I must quit the job soon, I love my job. I love where I am even if I know that I belong somewhere else. I'm making the most of my stay in this institution dominated by men.

I developed a genuine interest for the military way back in college, and to work for them today is the closest thing I could get to them. I wanted to learn about their culture without actually joining the troops. I hope you get my point. I'm actually not a fan of the government, so to be given a chance to get to know them by immersing myself in public service is an opportunity I wouldn't trade for anything, really.

And probably the biggest reason I've stuck around is because of the people I work with. Those crazy bunch are like my family already. I don't think there was ever a day I didn't laugh at work, whether we were too busy, too bored, too sad, or too mad. There are both high and low moments, but at the end of the day, there will always be something to laugh about.

It's amusing to recall how I ended up in this job. I was only able to get in a year after my application. The person who was supposed to hire me had second thoughts on taking me because of my political beliefs (seriously) and gender issues (a source said). I was even considered for other offices in the military. A year later, after resigning from my previous job, I was offered the position I originally applied for a year ago. The timing was so right, even though I didn't intend to work right away after resigning. What I only had then was an inkling I'd have a blast in this place. And so far I've been right. If that's not destiny to you, I don't know what is.

Happy 17th!

Ruptured

I've always wondered how death is like, and I just had my closest brush with it just recently. My ruptured appendix nearly cost my life. I didn't know that the intermittent fever I had been nursing for 10 days would almost kill me. Yes, 10 days! Now don't think that I didn't do anything about it! That very first day I had abdominal pain I already sought for medical attention. But for a reason I don't know, I did not qualify for appendicitis in my physical exams. Lab results suggested other findings. They said when you have appendicitis, you wouldn't be able to move a bit. WELL, I DID. For 10 days or so. Now that I look back, geez, I must've defied reason again. I've always been the exception to some rules.

It's a long story and seemed to be a never-ending one. So the day I had to have the surgery was a big relief for me! I wanted my agony to end and I wanted my life back. But post-surgery was just the beginning of many things. I found out that I could've died. I had so much physical pain but my prayers then were thank yous. I was glad to be alive even if I had a series of misfortunes after the surgery. And these all happened a few days before my 23rd birthday! I call it now the worst season of my life. It was so painful I didn't have the strength to cry. Which is really ironic now that I think of it. Things will never be the same indeed.

It was the best time to recognize the love of my family. I'm an only child and my parents were with me throughout. I witnessed their sacrifices and I had no choice but to stay strong for them. I'm very blessed. And the love of my friends, co-workers, neighbors....I'm so grateful!

Life is still good. In less than a month I've come back to work. Things are not the same, and I don't think it'll ever be the same. For one, my surgical scar would always remind me of that moment I almost died. Another's my outlook in life. Despite being realistic, I've learned to lean on the positive. I've actually had a lot of life realizations but it will take another blog entry.

My weight's an issue. It's a big deal with me because I'm an ectomorph and the 10lbs I worked hard for the past year suddenly lost just like that. Now I have to go through the struggling attempts to gain weight. Again.

It is my fate. I don't know why it had to happen. But I'm sure it was meant to happen. It happened not because I deserved it, but I really believe it's in the stars. I did my part to stop it from happening but it still did. I've been through a lot in life, and I'm sure that God has a reason for this. I always believe God has a plan. It will make sense later on when the rainbow comes. For now, I'm just grateful.

Entry number one

Firsts are supposed to be special, but this is not exactly my first blog entry on the web. I've always been a Livejournal baby since 2004. Six years and several usernames later, I've decided to move to Blogspot. I've always had a thing for starting over. I'm creating this blog for a purpose I'm not sure of, but I just had the urge to make a new one.

I don't know how to start so I'll just tell how things are right now. Today is Saturday, Independence Day, and yet here I am at the office, for the love of country and public service. I am a writer and I work with the finest and possibly the future's best leaders of the Armed Forces. Often criticized, the institution is a tough place to be. After staying more than a year, I don't see myself staying here any longer. But yes, I enjoy my job very much, despite and in spite of.

Life is on the rocks. As I write, I want something new to happen but I'm only taking baby steps to get it. Perhaps I'm not ready for it yet. On a romantic note, I'm not in love with someone at the moment. Maybe I'm about to after I write this. This is the state of my nation.

(Photo from Tumblr)